Already Bored of the World Series? I Can Help…
If you’re like me (and not like Gold Coast employee, ‘Airball’), this year’s World Series matchup between the (snore) Texas Rangers and the (ZZZZ) San Francisco Giants isn’t very interesting to you. In fact, if you really are like me, you absolutely couldn’t care less what happens, who wins, what Joe Buck thinks about it, etc., etc. In the spirit of this I thought I’d offer up some alternate ways you can spend your time while this snooze-fest unmercifully continues:
Re-arrange the letters of Ian Kinsler’s name to make two new words.
- Here’s a couple to get ya started. ‘Raisin Lake‘ (actually exists) and ‘Alien Skirn’ (I submit this is an emotional disorder to which aliens are prone while they secretly inhabit the earth)
Grab manila envelope, give yourself paper cut on your eyelid Jackass-style, squeeze lemon over cut, repeat.
- See how many times you can do it in a minute, then try to beat that record.
Check out the new hot ABC sitcom, ‘The Defenders‘.
- Jim Belushi + Jerry O’Connell + Courtroom = Television Gold.
Learn to Play a Musical Instrument and/or Calligraphy.
- I’m suggesting a xylophone because it seems easy, and the calligraphy will significantly improve that weak graffiti you’ve been spitting out (you call that a tag?).
Ponder the theme of the deterioration of Southern ideals in Faulkner’s, The Sound and the Fury.
- Many critics think the decline of the Compson family reflects their inability to exist in a devastated South lacking it’s traditional values during the Reconstruction. The self-absorption that results is evident both in Quentin’s contemplation of death and also Caddy’s promiscuity. Discuss.
Call your Grandmother.
- Or failing that, a great aunt or something.
Drink a bottle of bourbon and tweet Josh Hamilton incessantly, telling him how awesome it feels.
- Any old hard alcohol will work, but bourbon is recommended.
- Will also work with reformed alcoholic friends/relatives
- This guy’s witty and insightful candor will liven up any birthday party, bar mitzvah, or quinceanera.
- Ask him to do his Liberace impression, it’s spot-on.
Give the movie Battlefield Earth another try.
- Forest Whitaker is dynamic as ‘Ker’.
- No one does alien/human war in the year 3000 like L. Ron Hubbard
Well there you have it, I truly hope this helps you get through this difficult baseball time. Good Luck!
Note: these options can also be useful during the World Cup, any NASCAR race, and all Olympic rowing events.